I keep thinking of Charlie lately. It has been fourteen years since he disappeared. I have to admit I havent thought much about him in many years. I was devastated when everything happened and I helped for atleast two years after he went missing, I mean I helped his parents continue to search for him. I guess after highschool ended and my life continued I just got too busy living, but that’s not all true, as I write this, I realize I accepted a long time ago that he was not coming back.

I just kind of buried him in my thoughts. I hid his memories away.

This summer has been very lonely for me. My divorce was finalized. The marriage had been a rough road, Linda hurt me bad. The last I heard from her, she said she had been glad we did not have children, that the thought of our genes mixing disgusted her. Her words stung deep. I am not perfect and I was not the best husband, but I never spoke such cruel words to her.

I suppose adjusting to living alone and the stress of the divorce is what brought Charlies memories back. It was a very stressful and painful time in my life.

I am thinking of going back home to Maryland, for a visit or maybe for good who knows.

Last time I went was Christmas, almost a year ago. I would like to see ny family. But I am nervous. I am nervous because I feel like I need to, or infact must see Charlie’s parents. I haven’t seen them since I left for Denver twelve years ago. I have not lost complete touch with them, I have sent holiday cards, and called maybe once a year, or actually every other year.

There are other friends I’d like to see that I haven’t seen since highschool but have kept lightly in touch with through facebook.

Well I think that is enough brain relief for tonight. Off to watch Seinfeld until I fall asleep. I took a personal day off from the company tomorrow, so I will probably have more to write (especially if my dreams decide to haunt me) in the morning with my coffee. Mmm coffee… No, no, it is too late for that, you’ll be up all night.

Sleep Well